Deciding To Have Four

Deciding to have a fourth child was an easy decision for us, we had already made the decision over 2 years earlier when we started trying for Amy (our third). We knew then that Amy wouldn’t be our last baby.  Simon really wanted to have an even number of children, If you ask him he will joking say he only wanted two. Then again when I was a teenager I was adamant I would never have children and I guess we both changed our minds! We both knew we had the capacity to love four children, so our choice was made when we decided to have our third child Amy, nearly six years ago.

The story of why I wanted four goes back to my childhood. I was brought up with my Grandmother and Grandfather and only saw my parents a few times a year. When my mother met my father, she left her husband and two teenaged children to be with him. She was disabled, unhappy and I think she found solace and comfort in my father. She suffered from multiple sclerosis, which deteriorated after her pregnancy with me. She needed 24-hour care and my Father, and couldn’t look after her, me and work as an electrician.

A miracle baby

I was a miracle baby, the doctors where adamant I would never survive, and If I did, I would never walk. My parents were refused care from their doctor and had to move surgery for my mum to receive prenatal care. I was born prematurely and defied all odds by surviving, walking and leading a normal life. It’s only since I became a parent really that I do feel a tiny bit of anger towards my parents for bringing a child into such an impossible situation. I am extremely lucky and grateful to be here, but there was no way that either could have cared for me, whether healthy or disabled.

I was pretty much raised as an only child. My grandmother herself had four children, my dad being the eldest, and her youngest was 12 when I arrived and moved out when I was still small.

My grandparents were in their 50’s when I was a toddler and understandably were at an age they wanted to wind down. I spent most of my childhood with my head in a book, on a computer game or at Sunday school. I remember looking at other families on days out with their parents and feeling pangs of jealousy – those feelings, in turn, made me feel guilty and ungrateful.

Vivid memories

The most vibrant memories from my childhood, come from being with my four cousins, and my aunt and uncle. I remember feeding the ducks, walks in the woods, trips to the seaside, and just being together. They included me in everything and I remember feeling like their fifth child. I loved my grandparents with all my heart, and I had a good childhood! But I could not help but wish for the togetherness, love, happiness that I felt with my cousins when I was at home alone.

And those are exactly the things I want to give to my children, togetherness, happiness and love. I wanted them to have siblings to share things with, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

Our little team

We are ‘Team Tasker’ even our school use the phrase now. I remember James telling his nursery teacher, and her commenting on how much she loved it over 5 years ago. We are a team in everything we do, we work together, eat together and play together. I know these guys won’t embrace it forever but while they do I am definitely making the most of it.

They have their moments where they argue and bicker, like any siblings! Amongst the rivalry, there are genuine moments of concern, care,  love and thought for each other with melts my heart completely. To see the people I love most in the world, sharing the love is really special. I wouldn’t change our crazy, busy life with four children for the world.