Living Arrows – 42/52 {2017}
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”
We have been waiting for the day when someone wouldn’t want to join in. We decided to go for a walk after swimming to collect some leaves for crafts, and we were met with “but I don’t want to go” from James. He explained he was tired, and his legs were hurting.. but he still wanted to go to his swimming lesson beforehand.
James turned eight years old, exactly a month ago today, but in the last few weeks, he has been very out-of-character. We have had mood swings, lots of tears, a few minor warnings from school, more backchat than usual and a few more warnings at home for rougher play with his sisters. I think he might be experiencing a growth or hormone surge. Don’t get me wrong, he has his moments, but he is usually mature, understanding and quite level-headed for an eight-year-old!
Luckily he changed his mind and had a brilliant time while we were out walking. We decided to go off the main path searching for leaves, and then we spent extra time climbing trees.
Independence
Recently he has seen a few school friends playing near their homes on the walk home from school, and he wants to join them. Except we don’t live as close, and he wants to go alone. He is responsible, mature and I trust him. I just don’t trust others, and I’m not ready to let him go out alone.
It’s so hard. I feel such a tug on my heartstrings. I want to give him what he wants and I know that I can’t wrap him in cotton wool.
A Broken Promise
I remember growing up with my Grandma, and wishing that she would trust me more and let me go out with my friends. Back then made a promise to myself; I promised that I would trust my children, because I never wanted them to feel how I felt in that moment.
I’ve broken that promise to my 10-year-old self. I know that’s how James feels now, and I half wonder if he’s making the same promise to his future children. I just want to protect them, while I show them the good that surrounds them, and I want to teach them to be good, kind people.
Mr T feels exactly the same, and he was given the freedom to explore as a child. I think the hardest part is that we upset the person we are trying to protect by saying no,
A Compromise
As a compromise, the following day I said he could walk to school ahead of us. Except Lily (who is almost 7) cried for a full 20 minutes and was still crying going into class. I don’t think there are any winners in this parenting game!
We are going to try and find other ways we can give them independence, and show them how much we love and value them. I think they are all more than ready for the October half term rest!
Gorgeous photos. Going exploring in the woods is one of our favourite things to do at the weekend! And autumn is such a great season to do it. #LivingArrows
We love getting out into the woods too, even if it’s just for an hour. Although this time we went to find different leaves/autumn things and we chose a wood full of the same trees, not a red leaf or conker in sight… but plenty of oak leaves and acorns!
It’s so hard making that decision. We’re in the middle of nowhere so it’s less about people and more about the few cars they are driving too fast and not being visible. But in a couple of years I think N will be able to go down the road to his cousin’s on his own. #livingarrows
Its so hard isn’t it? I think it would be easier if I was letting him go to someone’s house, rather than just ‘to play football’ if that makes sense?
I think eight seems to be the age for so much change. He definitely sounds like he’s getting more independent and getting his own interests x
Definitely, which is as lovely to see as it is challenging!
Parenting is so difficult isn’t it? We’re forever questioning ourselves but I feel the same as you, although my promise was to always treat my children as individuals having spent most of my life being treated exactly the same as my sister who was 3 years younger (I ended up with 1 child so this is effectively void by default! #LivingArrows
That’s really interesting too. I think I tend to expect a lot from Ava who is only two, and maybe not give as much responsibility to James has he should. It really is so hard to judge isn’t it? But I find it so fascinating to hear how people parent now, because of their upbringing or childhood experiences x
Can’t believe how much your kids look like you. Lovely photos. I love your cat. I miss having a cat in the house. #livingarrows
Do you think? That’s lovely to hear because everyone always says they look like their Dad! It not our cat sadly, although the way he meowed at our door and treated us you would think he was. Watching the kids with animals makes me feel like we should have a cat/dog, but I don’t think I could cope with an animal to care for as well as these four!
These are lovely pictures – I don’t know what the answer is about independence, it seems every age comes with its own challenges doesn’t it? #LivingArrows
Yes, exactly! I think it does get easier physically, but each age definitely has its own challenges. I am just worried that once I say yes, I set the standard and have no reason to say ‘no’ next time – if that makes sense?