‘My best friend wont play with me’
I was sat in the kitchen with James and Ava after school one afternoon, when James casually said “Bob* said he didn’t want to play with me today”. The moment he said it, I knew that our conversation was no longer on casual ground.
I replied in an equally casual voice “Oh, what happened”.
Nothing had happened, Bob had just decided that he didn’t want to play.
“He will forgot in the morning, or after dinner, he always does. Its okay” he told me – Not only did Bob decide he didn’t want to play, this isn’t the first time he has done it. My six year old tells me this casually, and reassures ME that everything is okay.
“Did it make you feel sad, what did you do?” I asked
“I played with some other friends” James answered “He tried to get them to play with him instead of me”
“Did they?” I asked.
“No, they played with me. He always tells people they cant play, but I am kind and I let everyone play”
We talked a little longer, and discussed how Bob might make people feel, and I told him how proud I was of him for including everyone.
James came home this week with a certificate for teamwork, when I asked him what he had done, he told me that he had played with a little boy who was feeling sad to cheer him up.
That just about sums up my little man, he loves everything to be fair, and he wants everyone to be happy. I am so very proud of his resilience and strength of character. It takes a lot of character to stand up to your peers, and it takes a certain level of maturity to not take things personally or react negatively. At six years old his ability to observe someone is unhappy and to try and cheer them up is amazing.
Bob is okay, he can be unkind and naughty, but he is five years old and just a little boy. Honestly, there are times I really want to say “Bob isn’t very nice, don’t play with Bob”. I have to remind myself that its not my decision who James is friends with, and as far as friends go, he could do worse!
If I say “Don’t play with Bob”, the likelihood is that James will play with bob because its a small class, it would be hard not to. He just wouldn’t want to tell me about it. I don’t think he would do this to be deceptive, but he wouldn’t want to make me unhappy. By not judging, James feels he can talk to me and trust me with his problems.
On the other side of the coin, I have to remember when he doesnt handle things well, that just like me he is learning. Everyday I reflect, and I always think I could of handled something better. I want him to be able to talk to me so I can help him reflect and find his own way.
I read a similar thread on the subject and a one lady made an interesting comment. The original poster was worried that a ‘naughty’ boy would lead her son astray, and the lady commented that maybe she should think of it as her son having a positive effect on the ‘naughty’ boy. She had lots of other interesting things to say, but that comment really stuck with me and I still remember it months later.
All my children are so very different, with their own characters and passions, they definitely light up our world. I felt James’ pain when he told me that his friend didn’t want to play with him, I know it made him feel sad, and when he told me my heart sank. If I am like this now, goodness knows what I will be like when James is 16! I dread to think. I hope that James and his sisters have a smooth journey through school, and if not I wish for lots of wine!
*Bob has been renamed.
I am linking up with Katie from MummyDaddyMe for her #TheOrdinaryMoments Linky, though I hope this isn’t an ordinary moment! But I hope that James talking and trusting me is.
What a lovely and very special little boy you have. My 3 year old actually said something similar to me this week, not that someone didn’t want to play with him but that the boy he usually plays with at nursery was playing with someone else. I have to admit to feeling a bit sad but he was okay and played with someone else. I hope my son grows to be as thoughtful and caring as yours. xxx
I honestly think that they deal with things much better than we do, J seems to take everything in his stride while I worry! I’m sure your little man will, he has a good mummy behind him 🙂 xx
Oh this is so hard and we are yet to go through it but I am sure it will come now she is at school. I would absolutely be mortified if Mads was like this to anyone and also of course sad if she was the one on the receiving end. Unfortunately it is just part and parcel of childhood isn’t it? People will be mean and it’s just about teaching our kids how to react and how to feel in those situations. It’s probably one of the biggest things I am worried about with her starting school- I hate the thought of thinking of her being sad or making others sad. x
It’s probably my biggest fear, Ive been on both sides and neither is nice. Lily made another little girl sad before the summer holidays, she didn’t understand the effect of her words, and it was hard everyone involved. It was me who approached the little girls mum to help resolve, I found it difficult!
What a lovely post. It would absolutely break my heart to hear some one was treating my little boy like that, but James sounds like he has such empathy and a wisdom beyond his years. You must be so proud of him, and you should be proud of yourself too for raising such a lovely boy 🙂 xx #ordinarymoments